VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS

in the past you may have heard us at VSB talk about PIZZA BOOSTING…

above is the closest recorded visual depiction of a failed/resisted PIZZA BOOST (known as the pizza boom). I really feel convicted to educate you, our followers and dear friends, about PIZZA BOOSTING vs. PIZZA BOOMING. This is an issue that has been overlooked for too long, and the booming needs to stop.

What normally happens when you PIZZA BOOST is the very second you bite into a slice of pizza YOU ROCKET THOUGH THE CEILING AND BEGIN TO SOAR THROUGH SPACE AND TIME. It’s like you never knew that time even existed, like you never had a care in the world. As you fly past planets, moons, and stars, somewhere deep down in your heart and mind, you connect with all the other people in the world that are simultaneously PIZZA BOOSTing, this is known as the art of CONNECTIZZA[co-nect-eat-za]. Connectizza is a feeling/mindstate that is truly indescribable, and once you come down from the BOOST, one can go the rest of the day or week sometimes (depending on how high you BOOST) knowing that YOU.WERE.JUST.IN.SPACE!!! Below there are more instructions on how to BOOST—just know that once you read the following instructions, every time you bite into a slice of pizza you have too choose, BOOM OR BOOST.

WHAT YOU SEE IN THE ABOVE PICTURE IS THE HORRIFIC CASE OF SOMEONE ATTEMPTING TO RESIST A PIZZA BOOST [RESULTING IN A PIZZA BOOM]. THIS IS NOT RECOMMENDED, PLEASE PEOPLE, ITS NOT WORTH IT. Notice how he is clenching his fists and trying to stay grounded, stay in his chair…BIG MISTAKE.

I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH, DO NOT CONTINUE READING UNLESS YOU ARE READY TO EXPERIENCE THE BOOST.

HOW TO PIZZA BOOST:

1. get a slice of pizza. any kind works…ANY.KIND.

2. BEFORE you intake the pizza, know you are about to boost. Prepare yourself for takeoff, I personally like to count down from ten and make sure that I am either sitting or sprinting.

3. Bite into the pizza.

4. BOOST*

5. Know that you BOOSTed. A common experience of first time BOOSTers is to completely forget the whole experience. This thing about the human mind is it can only take so much. When presented with something so far from “reality”, it tends to try and block that thing out as if it never happened. If you are having a hard time remembering your boost, just look up at the stars at night and you’ll know that you’ve flown past every single one.

*BOOSTS can last anywhere from 30 seconds to 8hrs (8 hrs is the Guinness Book World RECORD: longest known PIZZA BOOST) Generally, they last as long as you continue to eat pizza [more pizza, more/higher boost]. I have had some instances where I BOOST so high I forget I have hands, therefore forgetting I have pizza in those hands until I come down, then proceeding to slowly remember hands…pizza… then, reBOOST and repeat. During a first BOOST experience it is also common to forget that you exist, almost as if you’re watching a movie—or as if you were dreaming your whole life, only to finally wake up and realize that you’re just a pizza lover rocketing through space and time.

Thank you for listening, I hope to see you all up there soon. If I can stress one last thing, please do not try and resist the BOOST, if you read how to boost, you now have the choice.

WE AT VSB ARE 100% AGAINST PIZZA BOOMING, this is why we have taken it upon ourselves to END WORLD PIZZA BOOMING BY 2013, please if you can donate to the cause, do so here as soon as possible! Thank you for your time, see you on the BOOST side

(via pizzzatime)

1 year ago 1515 notes

Tagged with: #pizza #gif #lol #blast #explosion #boom #boost #info #japan #support #urgent #rofl #science #fact

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